It can be hard sometimes to feel good in our own skin. For some of the time, we may accept where we are, but for the majority of our lives, we want more of something other than what we already have. Why is it that we switch between the meters of satisfaction and displeasure with ourselves? Why is it that we look in the mirror and judge ourselves even more than we judge others? And why is it that we cannot remain content or live as our ideal selves? It may be that we put pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, and it may be that we weren’t given the tools to be our true selves. When in reality, it isn’t entirely our fault that we have been programmed that way.

“I can look like them…”

From magazines to social media, we are constantly bombarded with images of what society deems as “beautiful” or “perfect.” When in reality, there is no such thing as perfect. Each of our bodies is made in relation to our genetics, the activities we do, the nutrition we ingest, and the chemicals we process.

There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to health and wellness. For example, when one person may be viewed as “lean” at 150lbs, another may be deemed “overweight” or even simply “normal.” Comparison from one person to the next based upon a number on the scale is not only unhealthy but inaccurate in regard to wellness. Wellness does not mean looking a certain way but considers health indicators like blood pressure, weight management, mental health, substance and tobacco use, and stress management. Health and wellness are not focused on the number of your pant size or t-shirt, but on how well you are taking care of yourself.

Another thing to consider is that not everyone is going to look like the superstar on the magazine, or the fit girl on social media, even if they lost or gain weight accordingly. Why? Because every individual body is proportioned differently and will respond differently to the various forms of food or activity. Genetics plays an active role in our own body types as well as our personalities, so the comparison to others should not be considered a determining factor of how we feel about ourselves. Instead, learn more about somatotypes, or try out new activities and foods that you feel would be beneficial.

“But they said….”

Similar to external comparisons, the expectations of others give little importance to the way we look. Unfortunately, some individuals may feel they have a say in how people look or how they dress, but in reality, they only have control over themselves. At other times, some people may not recognize that their ideal bodies are skewed, while others may be facing their own internal battles, causing them to react to how others express themselves. In terms of what others may say, it is best to acknowledge how they voice themselves but do not take it to heart.

We each, in our own bodies, have the opportunity to live our lives as we wish. If it is in your goals to be or look a certain way, you are allowed to aim yourself towards those goals and act upon your ideal life. If your lifestyle is healthy and provides you the ability to accomplish certain goals or activities, you are allowed to act accordingly. Acting upon others’ expectations when it may not align with yours will not fulfill your happiness; only you have control over what you think and how you feel.

“I can’t have that…”

While a body type is non-negotiable to the way we look, we do have control over our food, habits, and thought processes that may lead us to our ideal self.

Consider the foods in your vicinity that are keeping you from reaching your goals. Are there certain snacks that you know you will overindulge if you reach for it from the pantry? Sometimes it can be hard to control your desires but allowing yourself to submerge to the craving often causes you to feel bad about yourself afterward. While you can still have that yummy snack, think about how you can replace those meals with more nutrition-based options, like switching that bag of chips with something like veggies and guacamole. This way, you get to change your routine, feel good eating less, and stay energized until the next meal.

Also, look at how you think about food and fitness. For example, you may believe carbs make you “fat,” when in reality, you need it to sustain it to hike 4 miles or take a HIIT activity class. Or you may think you need to burn 1000 calories in a day and avoid cake at all costs when really you just need to portion control and incorporate some form of physical activity into your daily habits.

The little – or big – thoughts we have surrounding ourselves, what we eat, and how we train greatly impact how we feel about ourselves. Some extreme ideas we have around fitness and nutrition are guided by how we perceive it from past experiences as well as our own conscious understanding of it. As such, learning more about what is healthy, rather than what is normal, can greatly aid us to living more freely within our skin.

It is important to change these thought processes and habits, as it relates to not only our overall health and wellness but also to how we live daily and go about reaching our personal goals. If we are looking to live the life we picture in our heads, we need to start with making changes internally. We cannot create a community of wellness if we cannot fulfill it ourselves. Rather than looking outward to establish our self-image, we should start with what needs to be nurtured within ourselves and give space to what we wish to embody. Again, we have the ability to be our ideal selves, so it is time to let go of the expectations of society and give way for who we are destined to be.